Ok so I am not the best at just writing thoughts down for everyone to read. If you haven't notice I normally always have pictures then I like to explain whats going on in the picture. Well I am going to try to be better about just writing down thought and stories.
Ok so whats on my mind right now is not the most positive thing in the world but sometimes your thoughts aren't always happy. Today we found out that there is no way we can have anymore kids at this time. You see we did about 5 rounds of clomid and still nothing they think I need to have my Tubs Cleaned out but that's like 2000.00 dollars not something we can afford without insurance. So we have had to realize that until Nate is done with school and we have insurance we have to give up that dream of having more kids. (just for now that is.) At first I was flustered because we have gone though this already once before Brayden. So I didn't and still really don't understand why we have to go through this again.(I guess I must of not learn my listen the first time:) )
But now I sit and look around me and realized something. I have been blessed with a wonderful Husband and a sweet little boy who I love both very much. I also realized at this time that with Nate in school maybe the lord knows something I don't. though the wanting for another baby is there for Nate and I maybe the need at this time isn't. Its really made me sit and think about the blessings in my life. Yes there is the normal blessing of my family. But Nate and I have been blessed so much this year in Friends and just other things that have fallen in place for us. Maybe right now I just need to look at what the Lord is placing before us and not what isn't at this time. I know it sounds crazy to go from one extreme to the other but I guess that's how my mind works .
I think the biggest blessing I have had this year is my relationship the Lord. I feel like I've grown spiritually ten times more in the past 8 months then my hole life. I guess you could say I have a hard time giving everything up to the Lord. I like to have control of the things in my life and the last while things have been out of Nate and My hands. We have had to trust in the Lord to help us get by. I must say it was not easy for us to do but we have and because of it we have both grown so much. So to end on a better note though I do get sad sometimes that we aren't able to expand our family I also get lots of moments of joy as well. I know the Lord love me and that alone helps.
14 years ago
7 comments:
I can relate to how you feel about giving things over to the lord. I am a big planner- and It's been hard for me to give up that control- as my will is the only thing I have that is trully mine to give...
Thanks for updating by the way. I totally miss you!
And HUGS!
(sometimes it's not about what you need to learn, but about what you have to experience so you can help someone else... :) LOVE YOU!!!)
I am so sorry that you have had to go through all of this again! I know how frusterating it is when you want nothing more then to expand your family. I know it is so hard to think positive about anything but way to go with the positivity! Like you said, maybe the lord has other plans for you. Thinking about you guys!
I understand this too well myself. Don't know if you saw my post last month entitled "what is with the number 2?" We are not ever going to be able to have anymore then the 2 we have. I Always wanted more and still do, but that is something that isn't going to be. Life doesn't always go as planned, that's for sure.
Carolyn
I'm so sorry Kathlene! It's amazing to see how you are dealing with this trial in your life. One of the things that I loved most about you when we first met is the spirituality that you have! You are truly an awesome person! I miss you lots and lots!
(((hugs)))
I am so sorry, I wish that I could be there with you to give you a hug, and share a good cry, if you needed one :)
But I know you can get through it because you are so strong and have such amazing faith. The Lord does love you, and he does know the desire of you heart, and what he may take away for the time being, he will return a hundred fold. Just hold on to that love you feel :)
Love you guys and feel free to call me whenever you need to talk.
I understand your desire to have a child and to struggle with that not happening. The Lord has blessed you in so many ways. Just keep a strong hold of the knowledge the Lord truly does know more than we do about what is best for our lives. It is hard to turn everything over to the Lord, but our lives are better off if we do. We are always here for you!
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